Pleasing everyone but not yourself | The people-pleasing dilemma

When was the last time you told someone No, I can't help you with that or I have a different opinion? It can feel risky and emotionally vulnerable to set limits or assert our needs or opinions. Of course, it is normal to want to be liked and accepted, but for some of us, the need to please is so strong that will sacrifice our identities, our needs, and wants, to be accepted.

What is people pleasing?

The tendency or habit of prioritizing others' needs, opinions, and desires over one's own. Individuals who engage in people pleasing often go to great lengths to make others happy, gain approval, or avoid conflict, even if it comes at the expense of their well-being, values, or personal boundaries.

Are you a people pleaser? Look out for these :

• Difficulty Saying "No"

• Fear of Disapproval

• Prioritizing others consistently

• Over-Apologizing

• Avoiding Conflict at All Costs

• Ignoring Personal Boundaries

• Neglecting Personal Needs

• Difficulty Expressing True Feelings

• Feeling Resentful

• Constant Need for Approval
  

Recognizing and addressing these symptoms can be a crucial step towards establishing healthier boundaries and fostering more authentic connections with others. It's important to note that occasional acts of kindness or accommodating others are not indicative of people-pleasing behavior.

Negative Impacts of being a people-pleaser:

• Insecurity

• Unhealthy relationships

• Low self-esteem

• The constant need for validation

• Inability to set personal boundaries

• Increasing anxiety

• Failing to make yourself a priority and practicing self-care

How to overcome people-pleasing anxiety?

• Practice breathing exercises to calm yourself when feeling anxious. By focusing on your breath, worries and fears take a back seat, and you’ll become more relaxed.

• Write in a Journal: Writing things down helps you process feelings and thoughts and relieves you of their strain.

• Get Outside: Immersing yourself in nature is therapeutic for your mental and physical health. It can help calm yourself, reduce stress, and lower blood pressure.

• Instead of filling up your time with more work or relationships, start establishing personal boundaries. These can be simple at first, limiting your after hours availability for work.

• Therapy can provide you with the support and tools you need to overcome or manage your anxiety.

The essential thing to know is that you don’t have to remain a people pleaser. By first acknowledging or recognizing people-pleasing behaviors, you can take steps to benefit your mental health and your life overall.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I recognize if I am a People Pleaser?

Look out for signs such as difficulty saying "no," fear of disapproval, constant prioritization of others, over-apologizing, avoiding conflict at all costs, neglecting personal needs, and a constant need for approval.

Are occasional acts of kindness indicative of people-pleasing behavior?

How can I establish personal boundaries?

Can I change my people-pleasing behaviors?

Struggling with people-pleasing tendencies? At Koott, our experienced Malayali psychologists are here to help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize your well-being. Through online counseling, we can guide you on the path to mental wellness and personal growth. Don’t wait—reach out today to start your journey toward a balanced, authentic life.

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