Do you want to improve your life, but feel like something is holding you back? Could that "something" be yourself?
Sometimes we all prevent our own progress. It could be as simple as skipping a workout or being late for an important date. Overcoming our own obstacles can be tough.
But when this behaviour becomes a regular thing, it can cause challenges in every part of your life - at home, in school, work, and relationships.
Understanding why self-sabotage happens and how to deal with that is a step towards unlocking your true potential.
What is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when you unknowingly do things that create obstacles in reaching your goals. It's like a pattern of thoughts and behaviors that get in your way.
The word "sabotage" might sound negative, but it's not what it seems. Self-sabotage is a protective mechanism created by your mind to keep you safe. It's about sticking to what feels familiar and safe.
In reality you might not realize that it is self sabotaging, and it's not something you do on purpose. It happens when you try to make changes in your life, but your mind signals danger, pushing you back to what's familiar.
Signs you may be self-sabotaging
Self-sabotaging actions vary from person to person, primarily influenced by the context.
Here are some signs you may relate to:
Procrastination
Avoiding responsibilities, even if you forget
Breaking promises or not following through
Lack of preparation
Not aligning your actions with your desires
Showing up late to important events
Using substances to cope
Giving up when things get tough
Examples of self-sabotage
Imagine you have a very important job interview in the morning, but you stay out late drinking with friends the night before. Or your family is paying for college, but you fail your entry exam because you didn't prepare. Or you want to get married and start a family, but you choose a partner who is emotionally unavailable.
Reasons why you may self-sabotage
Self-sabotage isn't a condition on its own; it may indicate different things. Here are some possible causes:
Imposter syndrome:
Feeling self-doubt or thinking you're not talented enough may lead to self-sabotage to avoid being exposed as a fraud.
Ambivalence:
Fear of success
Fear of others' opinions
Avoiding emotional pain:
How to overcome self-sabotage?
Becoming aware of your self-sabotaging tendencies can help you take action. Here are some tips:
Reframe it: Instead of seeing it as sabotage, view it as your brain's way of trying to keep you safe. Develop compassionate curiosity about your fears.
Observe patterns: Keep a journal to identify recurring situations and understand why they happen.
Create alternative actions: Identify the uncomfortable emotions behind self-sabotage and come up with alternative actions to get closer to your goals.
Make small changes: Start with small steps toward change, acknowledging the difficult emotions that come up.
Engage in positive self-talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones to shift your internal narrative and reflect positive changes externally.
Reach out for support: Consult with a mental health professional to explore thought patterns and behaviors leading to self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is your mind's attempt to protect you from emotional pain. If it's halting your progress, there are ways to change. Identify patterns, take alternative actions, and consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Be compassionate to yourself during this transition.
Keep in mind that help is always available and you will be never alone in this saga of reinventing yourself :)
Struggling with self-sabotage and finding it hard to break free? At Koott, our experienced Malayali Psychologist are here to guide you through your journey of personal growth. Through online counseling, we can help you uncover the patterns holding you back and work together toward a healthier, more empowered you. Don’t let self-doubt control your life—reach out today for the support you deserve.
I dont hate myself, i just dont like me!