One would think that being a Psychology student, asking for help would come naturally to me. Or even better- I could probably fix myself. But it doesn't work like that, does it?
Brought up in a middle-class, Malayali household, I faced the same problems that every kid since the രാജാക്കന്മാരുടെ കാലഗട്ടം has been facing; "Are you not feeling good?..it's okay, ഇത് വളരുന്നതിന്റെ ഒരു ഭാഗമാണ്." Having relatives that made sure to comment on every aspect of your lifestyle did not make growing up any easier. Putting on weight was a problem, losing weight was an even bigger problem. In that constant battle with myself to look and act in a certain way, I failed to notice the unhealthy relationship I had formed with food.
Initially, no one noticed the changes, but when they did, it again became a പ്രായത്തിന്റെ പ്രശ്നം. All kinds of labels were thrown at me which made asking for help a little more difficult. Human beings are naturally wired to assume that they have control over themselves, and my confidence never faltered. Not until it started hampering my relationships.
And then one day I decided to give it a chance. But, asking for help in an overprotective household includes an entire court trial that begins with explaining, justifying, and providing evidence and eventually ends up in കരച്ചില് and വഴക്കുകൾ. My mother was very confident that I didn't need a therapist; "ഇതൊരു മാനസിക പ്രശ്നമാണ്. ശ്രമിച്ചാൽ സ്വയം മാറ്റാം" is what she went by. One cannot be blamed for thinking that way. Our society has been constructed in a manner that undermines mental health to a large extent.
I still don't know whether it was the dire lack of psychologists in the part where I came from. or if it was a decision I took in haste, but consulting a Psychiatrist was my first thought. Being an introvert who found it difficult to socially interact with people, I dreaded the first meeting. The doctor I met did everything possible to prove my assumptions right; an old man who refused to acknowledge basic facts? Check. Failed to provide a safe environment to talk? Check. Forgot to ask myself what I was looking forward to from the session? Check. Prescribed a bunch of antidepressants assuming that I would feel better? Check.
While I understand that the majority of the population goes to a mental health doctor to get a quick-fix for their symptoms, I equally believe that it's a doctor's duty to establish a client-therapist relationship before they assess the symptoms and formulate a treatment plan.
Underestimating one's feelings and making them feel unheard is not what anyone deserves. What I received was two pills in a span of less than ten minutes. My first thought on coming out of the room was "വേണ്ടായിരുന്നു". I had forgotten why I was there in the first place. I wouldn't call myself the most cooperating patient- but maybe, a little time would have done the trick.
I refused to take the medicines; more like refused to let go of the power I had over myself. A quick fix was not what I needed. Two sessions and I had enough of it. Therapy as an option was not my option anymore.
Two years later, I am still the same person who may or may not have managed to make a small change in her life. But there are a few things I learned from that experience that would definitely help the next person in-line have an easier time with figuring out their path to getting better.
There is a vast difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist.
Therapy vs. Diagnosis and Medication should give the gist of it.
A major reason that contributed to the failure of my medical treatment was the lack of consultation with a psychologist (preferably before and after meeting with a psychiatrist). This helps one assess the severity of what they are going through.
It's every patient's right and responsibility to ask and learn about the medicines they have been prescribed, it's working mechanism, and how to utilize them appropriately.
When it comes to physical health, we do not hesitate to switch from one doctor to the other. Similarly, it's important to be open-minded and flexible when it comes to mental health as well. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Putting forth my experience to not just propagate the importance of mental health but also to aid in making the right choices to tackle it.
I believe that as an individual who is looking out for help, it becomes very necessary to do our research before deciding on a treatment plan. All doctors need not be the same but, many a time one is more than enough for you to lose faith in the system. But if done rightly, it can do more than just bring a change within you.
Get assistance. Get help. Get better.
Struggling to find the right support for your mental health? At Koott, we offer online counseling with compassionate Malayali psychologists who understand your unique needs. Don’t wait for things to get worse—reach out today and take the first step towards better mental health. You deserve to feel heard and supported.
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